You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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