You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize