I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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