why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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