theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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