every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize