Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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