I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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