Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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