So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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