I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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