I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They took my balls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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