ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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