She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize