Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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