I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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