It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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