I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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