I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize