She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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