Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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