the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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