I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize