I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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