We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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