then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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