Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I died a long time ago.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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