Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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