From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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