Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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