I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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