I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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