I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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