Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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