it's like iHOP with fire
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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