I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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