Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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