the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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