Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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