Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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