I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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