I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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