I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear god my vagina.
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