Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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