look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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