When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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