I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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