i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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