i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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