I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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